The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 13, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Denmark’s odor prompts raid

Police raid Scandinavian country after officer smells “something rotten”.

Declaring that there is “something rotten in the state of Denmark”, Ohio assistant prosecutor David Trimmer announced a successful police raid on the Scandinavian country. Critics claim that the raid was performed illegally without a warrant, but Trimmer disagreed. “No warrant was needed,” said Trimmer, “as State Trooper Haley Met was able to sniff out the wrong-doing with his nose.” Officer Met “has undergone the same training as any police dog,” said Trimmer, “and is just as reliable.” The prosecutor claimed that if dog’s noses can stand up in court, so should any police officer’s.

The raid resulted in two arrests related to a recent murder. Police arrested Claude Dannen for suspected murder, and Gertrude Dannen, for suspected complicity in the murder of the previous Danish King. The two arrested were Denmark’s current heads of state, prompting some criticism about whether it is better to suffer the outrage of a possible murderer running the country, or with a violent raid, to end it, and suffer the unknown consequences beyond that action.

When asked if the new policy ran the risk of rogue officers “chasing down ghosts”, Trimmer said that he has “full trust in officer Met and his sense of smell. Hal Met knows when something smells rotten.”

Officers Gilbert Stein and William Rosenberg, who had reportedly been critical of the new policy, have been missing for several days following a work-related trip to Arkansas.

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