The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 13, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Gore supports recycling-based gas rationing

Vice President introduces innovative new gas tax, says that picking up cans can pay for gas.

At the presidential debate in Boston yesterday, vice president Al Gore said that he would propose a new way for Americans to “fill up” their gas-guzzling vehicles. “Recycling cans,” said Gore, “that’s the future of gas payments in the United States.”

According to Gore there is a shortage of empty cans in gas-producing countries such as Saudi Arabia. “People in these countries are begging us for our empty soda cans,” said Gore. “Americans can trade them in for real gas, and drive halfway across the country if they want.”

As proof that his new plan will work, Gore brought up the example of Winifred Skinner, who “went out picking up cans several hours a day and was able to trade them in for enough gas to drive her Winnebago from Iowa to Boston. And she even had enough money left over to pay for prescription drugs!”

In response, Texas Governor George Bush said that, if elected, he would extend heating credits for recycling newspapers. “There’s some major league savings there,” said Bush.

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