The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Media giants apologize for remarks about Israel

New York Times, Washington Post, Associated Press, Reuters apologize for “drunken tirade against Israel” and blame BD Syndrome.

Several media giants issued a lengthy apology Sunday for “despicable” coverage of the Israeli-Hesbollah war. The New York Times and Washington Post newspapers, and the Reuters and Associated Press news wires, claimed to suffer from “Bush Derangement Syndrome”.

The media apology comes after Internet bloggers criticized their remarks about Israel’s attacks on Hezbollah rocket launchers in Qana. Bloggers argued that media reports about the Qana bombing hid or misrepresented the facts, and that this encouraged terrorism and the use of human shields.

The following is the complete text of the media group’s statement regarding their writing about Israel while under the influence of BDS:

After drinking alcohol on Friday night, we wrote a number of things that were very wrong and for which we are ashamed. We wrote news stories when we shouldn’t have, and were confronted by Internet bloggers. The bloggers were just doing their jobs and we feel fortunate that we were confronted before we further encouraged terrorists to use human shields.

We acted like a media completely out of control when we wrote about Qana, and said things that we do not believe to be truthy and which are despicable. We are deeply ashamed of everything we wrote and we apologize to anyone who we have offended.

Also, we take this opportunity to apologize to Israel for our belligerent behavior. Rich Jewish bankers and zionist elders have always been there for us in our business and indeed probably saved us from bankruptcy. We disgraced ourselves and our reporters with our behavior and for that we are truly sorry.

We have battled Bush Derangement Syndrome for all of the past 10 years and profoundly regret our horrific relapse. We apologize for any behavior unbecoming of us in our deranged state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure our return to truthiness.

New York Times publicist A. Nail Boner declined to elaborate beyond the prepared media statement, and pro-Zionist bloggers declined to respond, saying the case was still under investigation.

  1. <- al-Zarqawi Delayed
  2. Kofi Tau Israel ->