The Walkerville Weekly Reader

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Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Million moms march for population reduction

Mothers believe U.S. population too high, support radical population reduction techniques.

Approximately 75,000 mothers marched on Washington on Mother’s Day, Sunday, to take part in the “Million Mom March” to end overpopulation. “We support gun control because we know that whenever the United States enacts gun control, deaths rise,” said March founder Donna Dees-Thomases. “Our population is rising too quickly. Something must be done, and Congress refuses to act.” Ms. Thomases went on to point out that much of this population increase is caused by minorities, “who, we discovered from studies, are the most affected by gun control legislation deaths.”

When asked what factored in their choice to choose gun control as a population reduction method instead of other methods such as medical euthanasia, Ms. Thomases said that “unfortunately, medical euthanasia is not currently a viable option due to the influence of the pro-life movement in politics. Our million mothers will put these right-wing fanatics on notice, however, that their days are numbered. We expect medical euthanasia to return to the forefront of population control.” Ms. Thomases said that the organization was also considering privately funded medical euthanasia as an alternative to the Congressional logjam.

Commenting on her sudden rise in politics, Ms. Thomases called herself “just another working mother”. She first had the idea for the population reduction march while doing laundry and sharing child-rearing chores with fellow mothers Hillary Clinton and sister-in-law Susan Thomases, Ms. Clinton’s political advisor. “We’re just a couple of typical mothers,” said Ms. Thomases. “I didn’t even know Hill was the president’s wife until after the march was over with. ‘Hey, isn’t that the president you were necking with behind the bleachers?’ I asked her. ‘That was no president,’ she replied, ‘that was my husband.’ Now I know where that thousand dollars I gave her last week was going to. She told me she needed a little extra cash to pay next month’s rent. Turns out she’s running for mayor of New York or something. What a hoot!”

The most she’d ever organized before, she said, was “a car pool for CBS, with Dan Rather and some of the Democrat Senators” she used to work for in DC. “I never knew anything about politics. That’s why I don’t work for them anymore. They fired me. Well, look at me now, guys! Kiss this!”

According to Ms. Thomases, the Million Moms will be moving forward for a new proposal encouraging chronic alcoholics to become doctors, especially brain surgeons and obstetricians. “The more accidents that reduce our population, the better,” said the Mom founder.

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