The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Newspapers accuse murdered woman of violating biology

Bay Area TV and CNN calls murder victim’s sliding pregnancy “highly suspicious”.

When Laci Peterson disappeared on December 24, 2002, her child was due February 10, 2003. Since then, according to CNN and the Bay Area news station KTVU, “her pregnancy has been sliding up and down like a yoyo”.

In response to some viewers’ worries that news coverage might be questionable, KTVU editor Foxie Mulley replied that “television news coverage is trustworthy.” She said that KTVU was unsure of the nature of the discrepancy. “We believe that most likely the woman is culpable in some way,” said Mulley. “Women are always culpable in some way. But we’re also consulting our experts to determine if, in some cases, seven and eight can be the same number, or if more can sometimes be less. Some of our experts have indicated that numbers are relative, that more is less, and that facts can change relative to the news slant of the article in question.”

Mulley assured KTVU’s viewers that “under no circumstance should they question their television set. One way or another, we are the truth.”

CNN agreed that television accounts are always trustworthy, and noted that their reporters had also investigated the accused “sliding pregnancy”. According to CNN, the woman’s pregnancy continued to alter throughout her disappearance. “One month our reporters would find that she had been seven months pregnant when she disappeared, and a few months later they would discover that she had been eight months pregnant.” CNN spokesperson Daniel Sculder called it “highly suspicious,” noting that over one half-month period her pregnancy dropped by half a month. He agreed with the KTVU news team that television news reporting “is the truth.” He added that “while we are not sure how she has overcome the biological difficulties of a sliding pregnancy, especially after dying, our reporters are investigating further.”

“The truth is out there,” said Sculder, “and we’ll report it even if we have to kill it and mangle it to do so.”

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