The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Paul Krugman & President Obama furiously fix economy

Improving Mexico’s economy: “Fast and Furious” gun-running plan from New York Times economist Paul Krugman.

Breaking Windows

White House’s latest Keynesian stimulus plan.

House investigators released documents last week connecting the White House to the Fast and Furious program that sent untraced weapons into Mexico. Today, Congressman Darrell Issa (R-CA) has released documents connecting the White House approval of the program to New York Times Keynesian Paul Krugman.

Fast and Furious was a Justice Department program that sent firearms illegally into Mexico with no means of tracing them. It was implemented under the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives. Bureau agents who attempted to track the weapons were ordered by their superiors to desist.

Experts have been confused as to the purpose of the program: it seemed to have no goal other than giving weapons to drug cartels. No attempt was made to track the weapons once they were sold to smugglers. The House’s new information sheds light on that mystery and on the program’s genesis. According to these documents, Fast and Furious was a White House economic plan created by Dr. Krugman based on the Times writer’s Keynesian economic theories.

Krugman has earlier noted that disasters and attacks such as earthquakes, terrorist attacks, and breaking windows improves economies. When windows get broken, someone has to replace the windows, and that creates jobs for glass-makers, who then buy shoes with their wages. According to Krugman, this works because otherwise the person who lost their window would just stuff their dollars under a bed. “The broken window forces the Jew to stop hoarding money,” says Krugman’s theory. “And add it to the economy where it creates jobs and taxes.”

Fast and Furious was designed to increase jobs in Mexico and in bordering countries such as the Republic of Arizona, by increasing the amount of destruction and murder there. The program ordered gun dealers to sell weapons to smugglers, who then sold the weapons to drug cartels in Mexico. According to the Krugman plan, “once the weapons are in Mexico, they will be used to kill Mexicans, whose funerals will improve the economy.” The plan also noted a side effect that makes the Fast and Furious program “a step better than broken windows: every dead worker means a new job opens up.”

If Fast and Furious succeeds in improving Mexico’s economy, the White House plans to expand its use into the United States. From handwritten notes in the original Krugman documents,

Thanks, guys. If this program doesn’t wee-wee up, we’ll want to implement it in each of our fifty-seven states. Identify the most violent drug cartels in each major city, so that we can redistribute automatic weapons and explosive bombs and shit from wealthy gun dealers to needy drug dealers. If Krugman is right, every dead police officer is a new job for carpenters, caterers, clergy, and undertakers. We got some shovel-ready jobs here, folks.

A later memo to the ATF asks “can we measure how much Arizona’s economy improved when Brian Terry was murdered?” Krugman replied that the President should count the Terry murder as “one job created or saved” and add on a few more for the “resultant rise in demand for investigative reporters, congressional staff, and White House flak-catchers.”

  1. <- It’s officially over
  2. Romney’s policy changeless ->