The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Pink jumpsuits slash oil prices

Pink jumpsuit movement causes oil companies to drop next day gas price hikes.

A national e-mail campaign in the U.S. yesterday brought oil and gas companies to their knees, forcing a significant reduction in fuel prices.

Consumers, fed up with high gas prices, drove to work wearing pink jumpsuits on Wednesday after an e-mail making the rounds said it would “CAUSE OIL COMPANY EXECUTIVES TO CHOKE AND TAKE NOTICE.”

The e-mail also suggested stockpiling gasoline on Tuesday so as to not have to buy any on Pink Jumpsuit day.

“I thought, what the heck, it can’t hurt anything,” said jumpsuit-wearing motorist Geri-Sue Luftte. “My tank is full anyway so I won’t buy any.”

“Gas costs way too much,” said motorist and jumpsuit day participant Larry Divez. “We have to do something about it. Wearing a pink jumpsuit seems to me an effective means of voicing protest.”

Universal Oil & Gas Company vice president Eric Stratton said that they did take notice of the pink jumpsuits. “We were going to raise gas prices by eighteen cents today,” said Stratton. “We slashed that increase to nine cents instead.”

Thursday morning motorist Corene Purovdicutt appreciated the news. “I didn’t put any gas in my car yesterday,” said Corene. “I had to fill up today or I’d run out.”

Many motorists voiced strong resentment towards bicyclists and pedestrians, who for the most part ignored Pink Jumpsuit Day.

“I didn’t see a single bicyclist wearing a pink jumpsuit,” said a Suburban owner in Columbus, Georgia. “If gas prices don’t drop tomorrow, I’ll blame them.”

Bicyclists suggested that motorists who want to affect gas prices should honor bike to work day on Friday. Oil company executives scoffed at the idea. “We pay more attention to pink jumpsuits than to people using alternative transportation,” said Stratton. “Why would we notice bicycling? It doesn’t even use gasoline.”

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