The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Reno advises Americans to question all agents

No citizen should believe that a person is a law enforcement agent simply because he or she “flashes a badge” says Justice Department.

According to the Justice Department, a recent study shows that Americans are too trusting of people who claim to be law enforcement agents. Researchers from the General Accounting Office were able to enter secure areas of the Justice Department, the Pentagon, the CIA, the FBI, and the State Department. They also entered the Ronald Reagan National Airport and the Orlando National Airport, without anyone questioning their identity, and were allowed to enter secure areas without being searched for weapons or other dangerous items. Even those who claimed to have weapons were allowed to bring them in.

“This is clearly unacceptable,” said Attorney General Janet Reno. She says that the Justice Department is preparing a new guideline for citizens to follow when interacting with purported law enforcement agents. “Never trust someone just because they carry a badge,” said Reno. “Badges, uniforms, even police cars, can all be fabricated.” She went on to explain that even though attempts to impersonate law enforcement personnel are illegal, “criminals don’t follow the law, and criminals who are willing to impersonate law enforcement are likely to be armed and dangerous.”

The Justice Department will be implementing an “instant check” system for individuals to rely on for verification of any agent’s credentials. The instant check system will be available twenty-four hours a day and will be completely computerized. When asked what would happen if the computer system were down, the Attorney General was emphatic. “Do not interact with any law enforcement agents without verification. Shut your door. Run away. If they persist, fight back with whatever means you can. Anyone who tries to force you to believe that they are law enforcement while our system is down is probably a criminal. If the agent isn’t a criminal, they can wait a few days to continue their investigation. Of course, we don’t expect the system to ever be down for any lengthy period of time.”

When asked if the new system could be used against rogue cops as well as impersonators, Reno said, “Definitely. We’re going to put these scofflaws out of business. Once we have our law enforcement instant check system in place, all law enforcement to public interactions must go through the instant check.” The Justice Department acknowledged that the system might be “uncomfortable” for a while, but said that once it was put in place and adhered to by everyone, “America will be a much safer place.”

  1. <- Zen Lawmaking
  2. Alcoholic Gore ->