The Walkerville Weekly Reader

Questions/Answers: About this wonderful newspaper. We have a long history in the shadow of the Shenandoahs.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, August 21, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • Are these stories true?

    We take pleasure in answering at once and thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Reader.

    Underwood Champion

    Yes, Virginia, there are honest papers, for as long as hard-hitting reporters mash away at typewriters in smoke-filled rooms while pounding back shots of whisky. For as long as brash reporters bear fedoras across time zones uncountable, you can trust the stories you read here.

    Dear Editor: I am a journalism student at Monterey Peninsula College. Some of my conservative friends say these stories are not true. My professors say, “if you see it in the paper it’s so”. Please tell me if these are real news stories.—Jeran O’Camplon, 115 West K Street

    Jeran O’Camplon, your conservative friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of Faux News. They do not believe except their own lying eyes. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by logic and reason. All voters, Jeran, whether they be conservative or liberal, are little. In this great universe of ours voters are mere insects, ants, in their intellect, as compared with the world of journalism about them, as measured by the great journalists capable of grasping the whole truth and knowledge.

    Yes, Jeran, these stories are true. They are true as certainly as politics and scandals and primaries exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if these stories were not true. It would be as dreary as if there were no talking points. There would be no editorials then, no on-the-ground coverage, no polls to make tolerable this existence. We should have no employment, except in local dailies. The eternal noise with which politics fills the world would be silenced.

  • Rule 1 made easier: shameless blogwhoring

    We’ve made Rule 1 easier. If you or your blog knows how to make a trackback, you can add a trackback from our article to your blathering when you discuss a Reader article.

    The Walkerville Weekly Reader is proud to announce support for the latest in Internet technologies, the “trackback”. Using the “trackback”, bloggers or other newsmen can quote from a Reader article, link to the Reader for attribution, and then “ping” our “server” to let us know about it. Our “server”, suitably gratified from a good “pinging”, will then link back to the mention.

    That’s right. Unlike other members of the mainstream media, whom decorum prohibits naming, we enjoy it when the little people talk about us. These bloggers in their basements are quaint creatures, like Smurfs, and their rituals should be encouraged.

    It’s like letters to the editor, without us having to hire a letter opener. Letters are dangerous things, even from the wise to the wise, and all paper-cuts may go ill.

    There are of course requirements. There are layers upon layers of fact-checking, because we are a mainstream media source. And, you must provide a URL, because that is required and we are all about following the law. But being good newspapermen, we also create our own invisible laws, and one of those is that you must also say who you are. Either blog_name or title must be provided. There may be other laws, which we shall make up and retroactively enforce against conservatives, tea-partiers, and racists.

    The URL for trackbacks to an article is in the footer of the article.2

  • Can I get an RDF site summary of the Reader?

    Want the latest articles on your blog, journal, or news gathering device? Use the RSS (XML RSS) headline feed.

    You can, indeed, subscribe to an RDF site summary of the Walkerville Weekly Reader. We know how important it is to receive the most up-to-date news from the most trusted news source on the Internet.

    Most recent on-line news gathering software support an ‘RSS’ feed, otherwise known as an “RDF Site Summary”. It is an XML headline feed; you just can’t get any more buzzword compliant than that. What it means is that if your blog, journal, portal, or whatever else supports RSS, you can get the headlines and short description of the most recent articles on the Broadsheet delivered straight to you in a block on your web page or other device.

    Just copy the URL http://www.hypocritae.com/feed/ into wherever your device requests an RSS URL.