The Walkerville Weekly Reader

In the end times, one newspaper dared to call God to task for His hypocrisy. That newspaper was not us, we swear it. Not the eternal flames!

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 15, 2014
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • Mark Udall announces surprising new endorsements

    Embattled Colorado Senator announces two new supporters from beyond the fields we know.

    Mary Jo Kopechne’s car emerges

    And a new Democratic voter emerges from the ballot booth to protect the weak.

    Colorado Senator Mark Udall announced two new endorsements this weekend at the Grand Junction debate with his Republican opponent.

    “I can tell you,” said Udall, “that Steve Sotloff and James Foley contacted my assistant campaign manager Melissa Lafsky this week to announce their support.”

    Sotloff and Foley are the journalists who were recently beheaded by Christian or other terrorists in the Middle East.

    According to Udall, the deceased reporters have joined his foreign policy team and will advise him on how to counter religious extremism overseas.

    “Their basic advice? Don’t be hasty,” said the craggy-featured Udall.

    The Senator added that the dead man now support President Obama’s policy on delaying counterattacks against the terrorists, and on rescue deliberation.

    Foley told me that he fully supported the month-long deliberation by President Obama before authorizing the rescue attempt.

    Gone are the days when the President acts impulsively, throwing down his children’s book and rushing out with his megaphone as President Bush so rashly did and was so rightly condemned. The important thing is to remain calm, to think, and then think again, and keep thinking.

    And then maybe think some more.

    Udall also echoed Huffington Post reporter Melissa Lanksy’s assertion in 2009, echoed by author Joyce Carol Oates, that the dead are natural constituencies for Democratic politicians. After Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Poucha Pond) died, Lansky and Oates announced that Mary Jo Kopechne, in the great beyond, considered her death and the justice denied her a fair trade for the Lion of the Senate’s successful career.

    “The dead are natural Democrats,” said Udall, “and are so loyal a constituency that they will even support the policies and politicians that killed them.”

  • Why firing bad teachers won’t make room for better ones

    Bad teachers provide an immense service to this country. You don’t see private industry firing bad workers. The best companies are the ones that have the most bad workers.

    Atomic Universes

    The best teachers provide new experiences to their students, such as luring them into dark rooms and providing them alcohol and pot.

    My friend Jack Schneider has written some thoughts on education reform in the wake of California’s Treu ruling in June, which held that California’s contract with teachers violates the state’s constitutional guarantee to an equitable education.

    Explaining his ruling, Treu wrote that inequities in teaching quality, which disproportionately affect low-income and minority students, “shock the conscience.” And he's right. They do. Yet his ruling will do nothing to solve the problem.

  • President Obama violin concertos console bereaved Iraqis

    President’s iPod an oasis in crisis for the stress of a historic presidency, and the Middle East.

    Nero with violin

    President Obama overseas U.S. foreign policy from the Truman Balcony.

    In the wake of renewed Al Qaeda activity following US failure to negotiate a status of forces agreement in Iraq, the White House sent its condolences to Iraqis on Wednesday.

    The United States strongly condemns the recent attacks in Iraq by the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL). We offer our condolences to the families of those killed and underscore our commitment to assist the Iraqi people as they confront the threat that ISIL poses to Iraq and the region.