The Walkerville Weekly Reader

In the end times, one newspaper dared to call God to task for His hypocrisy. That newspaper was not us, we swear it. Not the eternal flames!

Walkerville, VA
Monday, June 27, 2016
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • President Obama blames EU, self, for Brexit vote

    I failed to understand issues of critical importance to the British people, says President. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

    President Obama in Britain

    “I’ve learned important lesson from Brexit vote,” President announces. (Official White House Photo by Sonya N. Hebert)

    President Barack Obama told the world Friday that his campaign in England for Remain may have tipped the balance in favor of Leave. He added that European Union bureaucrats share in the blame for Britain leaving the European Union.

    He also had sharp criticism for German chancellor Angela Merkel.

    “Nobody likes to be told what to do, what to buy, who their friends are, and how to live,” said President Obama. “The British people have been complaining to the EU for years that Union has been becoming less of a partnership and more of EU bureaucrats telling member nations—and even member citizens—how to live their lives.”

    “The European Union,” President Obama continued, “has become unresponsive to the will of the people. To the needs of the people. Instead of asking for consensus, it has dictated. When the people voted in disagreement with the direction of European governance, the EU cut the people out of the discussion.”

    Inside sources tell the Reader that some of the President’s advisors had recommended that Obama blame Republicans and Christians for the sudden shift in favor of Leave. Some recommended blaming the National Rifle Association, whose pro-terrorism campaign in Britain may have exacerbated racism and xenophobia.

    But, our sources say, the President told them to “shush”. “European Union bureaucrats, and especially German chancellor Angela Merkel, refused to listen to the people. I’m embarrassed to admit that I occasionally tune out the crowd as well. And you all—you all practically have waffles in your ears.”

    The President likened the Brexit vote to the Supreme Court’s refusal to overturn a federal judge’s ban on the President creating new immigration laws without consulting Congress.

  • Sen. Dick Blumenthal: Gay bars “public health crisis”

    Connecticut Democrat compares massacre to AIDS, says inaction has caused both epidemics.

    Rainbow flag half mast

    Rainbow flags were at half-mast this week, as the gay community mourned the Democratic Party choosing radical Islam over gay lives. (brian kusler from san francisco, usa, CC-BY 2.0)

    Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-Connecticut) released a surprisingly controversial statement about the Orlando massacre last week, blaming the United States Senate for not banning gay nightclubs.

    As we learn more in shock and horror about the second-deadliest terrorist attack in our history, my heart breaks for the families of loved ones lost or injured—and for our nation, continuing to suffer from this unspeakable epidemic of violent gayness. The Senate’s inaction on commonsense terrorism prevention makes it complicit in this public health crisis. Prayers and platitudes are insufficient. The American public is beseeching us to act on commonsense, sensible terrorism prevention measures, and we must heed that call.

  • Republicans overreact to Mexican army visit

    Recent visit by Mexican armed forces to San Diego brings out the worst in Republican lawmakers. Congress’s approval is at an all-time low following incendiary comments by prominent Republican representatives.

    San Diego Tunnel to Smuggle Drugs

    Law enforcement escapes the heat, strolls the shaded Avenida de la invasión on the border of the new estados federados of Alta California.

    Mexico probably didn’t plan it this way, but their surprise delegation of 400,000 veterans to San Diego has caused an already-floundering Republican bid to flail so much one expects coastal authorities to close the beaches for fear of shark attacks.

    Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) suggested that if President Obama would not send troops to “repel this invasion”, that Texas should send its own National Guard.

    Texas Governor Greg Abbott, normally an advocate of state independence from the federal government, threatened to sue the Obama administration “if they do not protect the states” from the Mexican visitors.

    Republican front-runner Donald Trump boasted that if he were president he would use America’s military to “expel every member of the Mexican armed forces.”

    The logistics behind expelling 400,000 armed tourists were difficult for the blustering candidate to explain.