The Walkerville Weekly Reader

In the end times, one newspaper dared to call God to task for His hypocrisy. That newspaper was not us, we swear it. Not the eternal flames!

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 24, 2014
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • Democrats deny Obamacare savior three times

    Before the cock crowed twice, disciples of Jonathan Gruber deny knowing him three times in response to Republican accusations.

    In 2009, political consultant Jonathan Gruber saved the Affordable Care Act using his Microsimulation Model to trick the Congressional Budget Office into scoring the controversial legislation favorably. Under White House supervision he also added provisions to kill the tax deduction for employer-based health insurance. After working with the White House to outline the bill’s objectives, the White House “lent him to Capitol Hill to help Congressional staff members draft the specifics of the legislation.”

    But recently, YouTubing his speeches, Republicans, with a great multitude of words and ravings betrayed this architect—whom they had once loved, in Massachusetts—and frightened the Democrats into abandoning Gruber and fleeing from his analyses.

    President Obama, who once described Gruber as someone who “worked closely with the Obama administration” on the bill who he has “stolen ideas from liberally” in response to questions from Republicans stated that Gruber was “some advisor who never worked on our staff”.

    And when he said this, outgoing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) praised Gruber on the Senate floor as “one of the most respected economists in the world”.

    House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), who called him a “noted MIT health care economist” and cited him extensively in support of the bill, said “I don’t know who he is and he didn’t help write our bill.”

    And as President Obama and Representative Pelosi were in their press conferences, a Republican said to them, surely, you knew Gruber, you paid him millions in consulting fees and your speech praised him liberally thereto. But the President and the Minority Leader began to curse, swearing up and down that they did not “know this man of whom you speak.”

  • Support the freedom to vote as you wish

    The Reader is proud to offer space for this guest editorial to the American Civil Liberties Union. We prove our independence whenever we align with similar political interests.

    Tammany Seuss

    We are in a race against time to make sure millions of proxy and extra (important, ha ha) votes aren’t excluded from this fall’s critical elections—and we need your immediate involvement in the ACLU’s all-out effort to protect the right to over-vote.

    Here is the situation. Aggressive backers of ballot integrity—voter ID, purges of dead and moved voters from voter files, and rollbacks of laws that let people sign up for voting without identification and then immediately vote without verification—are driving to have a heavy impact on vote-balancing methods in November’s elections.

    They are warning the public about past ballot-tampering attempts and highlighting the weaknesses in ballot integrity, and trying to convince the public to support clean elections.

  • Mark Udall announces surprising new endorsements

    Embattled Colorado Senator announces two new supporters from beyond the fields we know.

    Mary Jo Kopechne’s car emerges

    And a new Democratic voter emerges from the ballot booth to protect the weak.

    Colorado Senator Mark Udall announced two new endorsements this weekend at the Grand Junction debate with his Republican opponent.

    “I can tell you,” said Udall, “that Steve Sotloff and James Foley contacted my assistant campaign manager Melissa Lafsky this week to announce their support.”

    Sotloff and Foley are the journalists who were recently beheaded by Christian or other terrorists in the Middle East.

    According to Udall, the deceased reporters have joined his foreign policy team and will advise him on how to counter religious extremism overseas.

    “Their basic advice? Don’t be hasty,” said the craggy-featured Udall.

    The Senator added that the dead men now support President Obama’s policy on delaying counterattacks against the terrorists, and on rescue deliberation.