The Walkerville Weekly Reader

In the end times, one newspaper dared to call God to task for His hypocrisy. That newspaper was not us, we swear it. Not the eternal flames!

Walkerville, VA
Monday, October 5, 2015
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • Hero stops local mass shooting

    Nation has no need to grieve, goes on watching sports and talking about election trivialities. Social media finger nannies hardest hit.

    President Obama golfs

    President Obama did not get to call for Australian-style gun confiscation this weekend. Instead, he enjoyed a round of golf with other bored DC officials.

    In local news only, a local veteran stopped a disgruntled loser from committing mass murder last week at Umpqua Community College in Oregon. The veteran was an Oregon concealed carry permit holder, and, thanks to the Oregon State Board of Education’s co-operation with state concealed carry law, used his firearm to end the mass shooting before it became a mass shooting.

    Oregon higher education officials praised the veteran, and congratulated themselves on not taking advantage of a loophole in the 2011 Supreme Court case that forbade public universities from banning guns on campus.

    The loophole involved schools’ ability to control access to their own buildings, and to require students and others coming on campus to sign gun-free agreements. A motion to use the loophole came before the Oregon State Board of Higher in March 2012, six months after the Supreme Court allowed concealed carry permit holders to carry on campus.

    “The lawyers found a way around the Supreme Court ruling,” said State Board of Higher Education member Jim Francesconi. “Looking back on it today, I cannot imagine how many would have died and been injured if we had not defeated that motion.”

    “I don’t think I could handle it if I had supported that misguided policy then, and more people died today,“ added George Pernsteiner, chancellor of the Oregon University System. “They may be crazy but these killers always seem smart enough to choose a gun-free zone.”

    Social media finger nannies voiced their disappointment with the outcome.

  • Last black ejected from civil rights movement

    White is the new black: a new generation of Democrats bear the white liberal’s burden to save blacks from their own laziness.

    Rachel Dolezal

    Former NAACP Spokane chapter President.

    Civil rights activists Elizabeth Warren, Rachel Dolezal, and Shaun King announced today that the last remaining black has been evicted from the black activist movement’s leadership.

    According to Spokane activist Rachel Dolezal, he was ejected from the movement because he refused to accept transblacks as valid voices of the black community.

    “Black is a state of mind,” said Dolezal. “I identify as black. So on a level of values, lived experience, currently, I mean, in this moment, that’s—that’s the answer. That’s the accurate answer from my truth.”

  • The Hillary Clinton e-mail ‘scandal’ that isn’t

    There’s no there here, and it doesn’t affect her campaign. Nothing in the law says felons can’t be President.

    Hillary Clinton at press conference

    Vegas: Deer caught in headlights does Hillary Clinton impression.

    Does Hillary Clinton have a serious legal problem because she may be convicted of a felony under the espionage act? After talking with a half-dozen knowledgeable jailhouse lawyers, I think this “scandal” is overstated. Any arrest and conviction will be self-inflicted wounds by Clinton, but it’s not something that will disqualify her from the White House.

    “It’s common” that people can be elected to government office after a conviction, said Aaron Broussard, a former elected official who is now an inmate at Butner Federal Correctional Facility, where he often strategizes future political campaigns.