The Walkerville Weekly Reader

In the end times, one newspaper dared to call God to task for His hypocrisy. That newspaper was not us, we swear it. Not the eternal flames!

Walkerville, VA
Monday, December 5, 2016
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • Watching Trump ‘end run’ YouTube videos dangerous, says press

    Public should be wary of watching President-elect Donald Trump’s YouTube videos without proper media analysis, says Chris Cuomo, CNN.

    Donald Trump lied

    In a stunning attack on President-elect Donald Trump’s controversial end-run around the American fourth estate, the press has announced that watching a Presidential speech on YouTube or on blogs could result in jail time for the illicit viewer.

    “Constitutionally,” said Chris Cuomo on CNN, “it is illegal for viewers to watch presidential speeches directly. It’s dangerous, and could result in jail time—or worse.”

    According to Cuomo, the media has expert health professionals on call to implement the appropriate legal and visual filters to ensure a safe viewing experience when watching politicians speak.

    “We are the only safe conduit between Trump and the People,” said NBC News correspondent Hallie Jackson. “He burns brightly and without repose. Do not, under any circumstances, watch President-elect Donald Trump directly.”

    “Our chyrons are the difference between legal and illegal,” said Deborah Turness, President of NBC News, “between health and utter electoral blindness. We are gravely concerned at President Trump’s lack of transparency toward the news media.”

    A joint CNN-NBC-ABC-CBS-NPR press release quoted the New York School of Journalism:

    The Section of Media Affairs of the New York School of Journalism strongly advises that the only safe method of viewing Donald Trump, especially as President, is to watch him on television. No other means is completely reliable. Nothing short of 100 percent foolproof analysis is called for when the stakes are as high as permanent loss of political relevance. Again, the Media advises that the President-elect should only be viewed on television. This position is also endorsed by the Washington, DC School of Media Relations.

    Walden College Professor of Journalism and Communications Ethics Barbara Boopstein added that “watching Presidential videos without the appropriate safeguards, a viewer might misinterpret a politician’s positions. They might completely contradict the expert interpretations.”

    The joint press release further emphasized that,

  • Democrats: black voters prefer totalitarian Presidents

    They voted for Donald Trump over Hillary for the same reason they name their children after royalty, say DNC staffers and reporters.

    Clintons at Trump wedding

    Democratic nominee and former Democratic President palling around with notorious racist and unknown immigrant.

    Supporters of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton charge that voters chose for Donald Trump because they are racist. Many of written, publicly and privately, that more minorities voted for Trump than they did for Mitt Romney in 2012 or John McCain in 2008 because “minority voters yearn for dictators.”

    “All you have to do is look at their names,” wrote Democratic National Committee finance chief of staff Scott Comer. “LaQueenia and LaKingia? They want someone who will rule over them.”

    A colleague agreed, replying, “Just kill me now.”

    Democratic National Committee communications director Luis Miranda agreed with Comer.

    “It isn’t just the blacks,” he wrote. “Hispanics are so commercialized nowadays, they’re just suckers for a powerful businessman. Hispanics are the most brand loyal consumers in the World: Known fact.”

    He added that hispanics are “unforgiving” to white women who sell foreign policy to the highest bidder. “It’s sexism,” he said. “Hispanics wouldn’t hold a man to such a high standard.”

  • President-elect Clinton announces new police body-cam rules

    Comedian Seth Meyers, speaking for millions of Americans, said “They’re just private servers. What’s the harm in that?”

    Hillary Clinton campaign speech at presidential podium

    Surrounded by Blue Lives Matter signs, President-elect Hillary Clinton announces innovative quid-pro-quo wage increase program for police.

    Following a landslide victory in Tuesday’s Presidential election, President-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton announced a new policy mandating body cameras for all domestic police officers. Her policy also included safeguards to protect officer privacy.

    “To protect police officers from dangerous interference in the performance of their duties,” the President-elect said, “officers will upload their camera feeds to their own private video server. Before handing any video to their local Internal Affairs or making them available for Freedom of Information Act requests, each officer will remove from their archive all videos unrelated to their official duties.”

    Clinton assured the American people that this system ensures the security of video recording police interactions with the public. According to the President-elect, she tested the system during her tenure as Secretary of State, and “only five countries out of 206 in the world were able to hack the data.”