The Walkerville Weekly Reader

Breaking News: News as it happens. Almost like CNN. With less bias and more facts. Promise!

Walkerville, VA
Monday, April 24, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • After Orlando, We Must Defund Planned Parenthood

    “There is a word for Planned Parenthood’s role in this form of terrorism: complicity… Granted, cutting off public funding for Planned Parenthood may not have prevented what happened at the Pulse nightclub, and it may not stop future atrocities. But it we can save just one life, not to mention the countless lives targeted by abortionists, it will be worth it.”

    “It has also come to light that Mr. Mateen registered to vote in his home state of Florida in 2006. When he did so, he proactively chose to align himself with the Democratic Party. It is therefore essential that elected Democrats and their powerful echo chamber of media supporters and boosters commence an important process of serious self-reflection and ponder why such a man was attracted to their political rhetoric and agenda. While the precise motivation for the rampage remains unclear, it is quite obvious that Mateen was overwhelmed by hatred for his fellow Americans… It’s long past time for the Democratic Party, and the newspaper editorial boards who reflexively abet it, to stop scapegoating and demonizing millions of Americans—lest it continue to attract ruthless killers into its ranks.”

  • A Conversation With a Cabbie and What It Says About My Life

    I was talking to my cabbie in Cairo, making idle chit-chat as we threaded our way through a colorful and boisterous bazaar, what the locals call a souk, when I pointed out how the world is becoming more interconnected every second.

    Then, he stabbed me.

    As the blade slipped between my ribs, it occurred to me the rubber of the knife’s rubber handle was made in Poland, and the steel crafted in Japan. Much like the gaudy wares on display at the souk which my cabbie had paused the car at in order to stab me, my backseat butchering was a glorious melange of the intersection of ideas at the great crossroads of the world.

    As my cabbie continued to stab at my torso, the blood flying out of me as he plunges in the knife and then tears it free, I pondered that this moment was made possible by what I call “the pollenization of possibility.”

  • God, You’re Stupid

    Now, you might take offense here, particularly if you are beholden to right-wing ideology, and write this off as an ad hominem attack: a bit of vitriol dripping from a bitter and blackened heart. But that’s just projection. In reality, you truly are incredibly stupid. I’ll talk in a bit about why that is so.

    You see, everything you think is demonstrably, ludicrously wrong. It’s quite amazing, and there isn’t room here to go into all the details. So let’s take one example: triangles.

    In recent years a lot of Very Serious People have tried to dupe the American public into believing a triangle has three sides and three angles, which add up to 180 degrees. This is a classic zombie: an idea that should have died long ago in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. So why hasn’t it?

    Because America is filled with villains, fools, and knaves, that’s why.