The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, February 13, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

  • California bans multiple pregnancies

    Democrats pass bills requiring 30-day waiting period for abortions and a license to walk in public while pregnant.

    Marching for uterus control

    Women march in San Diego Saturday demanding that California pass “gun control” for uteruses.

    In response to intense lobbying by feminists, California has passed new laws that use California’s gun control as a model for women’s reproductive rights.

    The laws follow protests by women marching in favor of uterus control, such as Blanche Ivory in San Diego. “I wish my uterus shot bullets,” Ivory’s hand-made sign read, “so that the government would treat it like a firearm.”

    The new laws require a 30-day waiting period for abortions, a license to walk in public while pregnant, and a ban on bearing more than one child per pregnancy.

    Governor Jerry Brown noted, while signing the bill, that while the bill does allow women to walk in public while pregnant if they have a license, “only Hollywood movie stars and the occasional heavy Democratic donor will be able to acquire the license.”

    Women will be barred completely from bearing twins, triplets, quadruplets, and other multiple births. Further, according to former United States Senator Dianne Feinstein who crafted similar legislation in the U.S. Congress, women who become pregnant more than once per year will be deemed in possession of “an assault uterus” and be heavily regulated. “Assault uteruses that are decorated with metal near their opening, that protrude conspicuously beneath the action of the uterus, or that are encased in black or dark skin will be castrated.”

    A Planned Parenthood press release hailed the new legislation. “This is the culmination of Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger’s vision for the future of women and minorities,” said Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards.

    Similar laws were expected soon in other states as women march across the country protesting treating uteruses more leniently than firearms.

  • Clinton accuses Russia of infiltrating United States government

    Worried about falling poll numbers in working-class states, Clinton campaign identifies, addresses, a key concern of middle-class: the Soviet threat to the United States electoral process.

    John Birch Society logo

    Hillary Clinton campaign tests new advertising designed to appeal to middle-class concerns.

    In a 13the-hour appeal for heartland votes, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is crafting her message to appeal to key Midwest constituencies identified by the Democratic Party’s cutting-edge outreach program.

    Democratic Party leadership, including Mrs. Clinton, gushed that they were “well aware of the very important concerns that middle America has.”

    In a speech to one important Democratic-leaning organization, Mrs. Clinton said that

    I grew up in middle America. I know how important the Soviet threat is to middle America today. The Soviet Union has infiltrated the highest levels of government. I have seen electronic communications that prove their collusion with important media figures and their insidious control over our very electoral process.

    The organization, a tight-knit and patriotic group concerned with foreign influence on the United States political process, welcomed Hillary Clinton and applauded her efforts to fight the Soviet Union.

  • Watching Trump ‘end run’ YouTube videos dangerous, says press

    Public should be wary of watching President-elect Donald Trump’s YouTube videos without proper media analysis, says Chris Cuomo, CNN.

    Donald Trump lied

    In a stunning attack on President-elect Donald Trump’s controversial end-run around the American fourth estate, the press has announced that watching a Presidential speech on YouTube or on blogs could result in jail time for the illicit viewer.

    “Constitutionally,” said Chris Cuomo on CNN, “it is illegal for viewers to watch presidential speeches directly. It’s dangerous, and could result in jail time—or worse.”

    According to Cuomo, the media has expert health professionals on call to implement the appropriate legal and visual filters to ensure a safe viewing experience when watching politicians speak.

    “We are the only safe conduit between Trump and the People,” said NBC News correspondent Hallie Jackson. “He burns brightly and without repose. Do not, under any circumstances, watch President-elect Donald Trump directly.”