The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Disney Drops Flat Earth Opus

Walt Disney studios drops controversial filmmaker Michael Moore’s latest documentary showing the earth is flat.

Michael Moore announced on his web site yesterday that Disney Studios was refusing to distribute his latest documentary which purports to show that the earth is flat.

According to a Disney executive, Moore’s new film, “Flat Earth 451”, would be educationally divisive during the school exam season. The executive said that they told him last year they would not be releasing it, because “it’s not in the interest of any major corporation to be dragged into a highly charged educational controversy.” The executive denied that they were trying to block Moore’s message that the world is flat, noting that “he has had a year to find a different distributor for his intriguing film.”

Moore claims that Disney executives told him they were worried that releasing the film might cause schools to cut back on trips to Disneyland and Disneyworld if they released a film that “questions the generally accepted round-earth theory.”

Moore is probably best known for an Oscar-winning film that proved the Columbine massacre never happened. In the documentary, Moore showed that the Columbine killers, rather than going on a killing spree, spent the day bowling with their friends.

Feisty Miramax chief Harvey Weinstein said that “we hope to resolve this amicably.” Weinstein scoffed at claims the flat earth film was controversial. “How much worse can it be than a movie about a man becoming a bear and meeting moose who talk like Bob and Doug Mackenzie? That’s totally unrealistic. Everyone knows moose sound like Charlton Heston.”

Movie-goers at sneak previews generally voiced support for the film.

“Moore’s movies are just catalysts for thought,” said one Flat Earth 451 viewer. “If Moore’s movies can get people to think about things in a different way and not always accept everything on the surface, then I bet he believes he’s done his job, facts presented correctly or not.”

Another Flat Earth viewer called the movie “a compelling documentary which discusses a viewpoint which is too often ignored. It might not be fashionable to criticize the round earth theory in today’s climate of educational hegemony but Moore artfully skewers educational correctness to create a thought-provoking film about another way to look at the earth.”

Viewer Ava Knob agreed, adding that “it doesn’t really matter if the earth is flat or round. There is room for both perspectives. It was interesting to see a different perspective on the earth’s shape. I don’t think I’ll ever look at a space launch the same way after seeing this movie.”

Sources close to Weinstein, Eisner, and Moore flatly denied Hollywood rumors that the controversy was merely a publicity campaign to drum up support for Moore’s latest work.

Moore further denied that his movie was about making money. “If Miramax cannot distribute this film,” said the controversial filmmaker, “I will be releasing it in its entirety on my web site. Monied interests cannot call the shots on what information the public is allowed to see.” Moore added that he would be releasing his source footage on DVD under an open source-style license, “so that filmmakers with less than two million dollars will also be able to use it to shape public opinion about the shape of the earth.”

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