The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 20, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Kerry vows to restore trust, credibility to politics

Democratic nominee promises to restore credibility to the White House, threatens legal action against anyone saying otherwise.

Democratic nominee John Kerry announced during his acceptance speech that he was going to “restore trust and credibility to the White House”. He said that he would do this by hiring a team of lawyers to act as “fact-checkers”. As his first step, he announced former trial lawyer Senator John Edwards of North Carolina as his running mate.

Kerry said during his speech that he was inspired by Michael Moore’s success at using fact-checkers to bolster the facts created for Fahrenheit 9/11. The director has been a special guest at the Democratic National Convention.

According to inside sources, Kerry has been considering appointing Moore as a “fact czar”. Moore has advised Kerry to take facts very seriously. “When you make up facts you must threaten anyone who questions them,” the director reportedly told the nominee.

Kerry said in his acceptance speech that he was taking Moore’s advice to heart. “I will immediately reform the legal system so facts are guided by policy and facts are never questioned when they support what I already want to do.”

“If someone questions my facts,” said Kerry, “I will politely and nicely say that my fact-checkers will see them in court--and I will ask Mr. Edwards to attend to it.”

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