The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Krugman: Federal checks and balances sound

New York Times economist Paul Krugman says that America’s checks mean we definitely still have money on our balance sheet.

Paul Krugman: Beige

“Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling… beige.”

New York Times columnist Paul Krugman announced today that America is not broke. Krugman said that the federal government’s credit limit should be subtracted from any deficits to determine the true deficit.

Just as anyone with a credit card knows, your total income is your salary plus however much you can borrow from your bar and your bank. As long as you have a tab, you can drink more without worries. As long as there are still checks in our checkbook, we still have a balance.

According to the Nobel Prize winner, as long as we “have no trouble borrowing, we are not, in fact, broke”. He added that “we need to spend more money to save money. There are some great sales out there today!”

In response to a question about “how can America get to the other side of the deficit?” Krugman replied “you are on the other side.” The Nobel Prize-winning economist added that he also has a solution for the gas crisis as consumers look to the summer travel season: “if someone doesn’t have enough money to buy gas, they should do what I did. You can easily get enough money for gas by selling your car.”

Adding his opinion on another modern problem, Mr. Krugman also suggested that teenagers practice safe sex. “Always lock the car door,” he said.

Krugman also revealed that he dyes his hair. “I’m a natural blonde,” he said. “I’ll bet you never would have guessed.”

He then asked our reporter if he could borrow a c-note. “I’ll pay you back tomorrow,” said Krugman, “when I borrow from Paul.”

Your editors are not sure if that last quote was meant on the record.

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