The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 13, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Laura Bush calls cancer “not a big deal”

White House covers up cancer blunder: First lady misplaces skin cancer on legs, hides it in socks, and removes it under a construction trailer.

Press Corps journalists discovered this week that First Lady Laura Bush secretly had a squamous skin cancer removed from her leg in mid-November.

“It wasn’t a big deal,” said Mrs. Bush, who sported a large bandage on her leg. “I was never sick.”

Her disease was discovered when the First Lady refused to wear pants in public, but the White House continued to cover up the ethical lapse.

“This is serious news,” said one reporter at Tuesday’s White House press conference. “Why, if it had gone unchecked our first lady could have been seriously disfigured. She might have had unsightly spots! The public has a right to know when their elected officials are married to ugly spouses.”

Other reporters agreed. “The president claims that he is tough on terror,” said CBS reporter Marla Stewart. “But if our politicians’ wives get spots on their legs, the terrorists have won.”

Experts compared Mrs. Bush’s medical problems to those of Woodrow Wilson. If Laura Bush’s bandages leave her unable to fulfill her duties, this would put the role of first lady in the hands of her husband. However, Tony Snow refused to discuss what Mr. Bush’s first act would be if he had to take over Laura Bush’s duties.

“This morning you said you’d make that inquiry,” said one reporter.

“Yes,” replied Mr. Snow, “you know what, I didn’t.”

“But you will?”

“No. I’m not going to.”

“Why are there so many leaks coming out on this?”

“You'll have to ask the leakers. They apparently are talking to you, so please consult.”

Journalists criticized the President for both the national security breach and the resulting cover-up.

Some right-wing politicians questioned the focus on Mrs. Bush’s cover-up compared to Sandy Berger’s accidentally placing original notes by Clinton administration officials in his pants, accidentally removing them from the National Security Archives, accidentally leaving them under a construction trailer, accidentally shredding them, and then accidentally placing them in the trash, but reporters claimed no comparison between the two events.

“Nobody ever found anything in Sandy’s pants,” said Stewart.

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