The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 20, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Libertarians start child reeducation camps

Children should be taught that certain political views are unacceptable, says the Libertarian Party, and parents are an unneeded obstacle.

Libertarian party spokesperson Ron Paul announced that the Libertarian Party will soon be opening private schools for the teaching of Libertarian beliefs. But they won’t be called schools. “We like to think of them as camps,” said Paul. “They’ll be a lot more fun than schools.”

Some thought is unacceptable, say Libertarians, and parents aren’t doing enough to police unacceptable thought around their children. Libertarians also believe that some places are too dangerous for children. “Some parents even allow their children to live with them in Washington DC,” said Paul. “This is clearly unacceptable.” According to Paul, Libertarian schools will take children out of these unacceptable environments and raise them in an acceptable place with acceptable thought.

When asked how parents liked the new schools, Paul announced an innovative new recruitment technique. “Parents won’t have any say in their children’s choices,” said Paul. “We’ll take the children and keep them from their parents, and we’ll give them a great time with lots of candy, toys, and special events. Then we’ll ask them to register with the school on their own. There’s no law which requires children to stay with their parents.” Libertarians believe that children are able to choose their schooling without interference by parents, he added. “Can you trust any parent who would let their child grow up in DC?”

Republicans and Democrats refused to comment without further polling data. One unnamed source said “Libertarians? What’s that? A new terrorist group?”

  1. <- Klan Backs NAACP
  2. Waco Hoax ->