Planned Parenthood announces baby delivery service
The non-profit plans to compete with market leaders on speed, quality, and taste, to bring healthier, happier babies to a new convenience demographic.
Planned Parenthood recommends customers add legumes to their diet, such as this lovely fava bean, tomato, and cucumber salad on baguettes. (Vegan Feast Catering, CC-BY 2.0)
Tired of being portrayed as an abortion-only health provider, Planned Parenthood has decided to branch out into delivery services as well.
“We have researched the market and believe we can provide superior service and quality in this field,” said Senior Director Thomas Harris.
According to Harris, Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger “bemoaned the full harvest of the dead weight of human waste”. Harris added that the new Planned Parenthood delivery service would use this waste to nourish the poor and hungry and “to diminish the spread of misery and destitution that so impedes racial progress today.”
Planned Parenthood has hired world-renowned chef Deborah Lector as Senior Director in Charge of Baby Deliveries.
“We agree with those conservatives who believe that abortions should be rare,” said Lector, “but our delivery service will also provide the option of medium and well done.”
“A lot of people want liver,” added Lector, “and for that reason, we take care harvesting that organ to ensure freshness and texture. We harvest no liver before its time.”
“I can personally recommend,” she said, “a smooth soy purée with green beans to accompany it, and, to top it off, a nice Chianti.”
Harris said that Planned Parenthood plans to meet attacks from the religious right by competing with the religious market. For example, according to Harris, Planned Parenthood intends to market their green soy to Catholics as a great Lenten meat replacement.
Anti-Planned Parenthood propagandist Charlton Nucatola complained that “their Lent green soy• is people!” He further ranted that people should have the good taste not to shop with Planned Parenthood for their children’s needs.
“Sorry, Charlton,” Lector replied. “We don’t want children with good taste. We want children that taste good.”
Margaret Sanger
- A Dark Past: Jonah Goldberg at National Review Online
- “Contraception, abortion, and the eugenics movement.”
- Liberal Fascism
- The story of how the National Socialist German Workers Party and the fascist government takeover of businesses became defined as a conservative movement by socialists and leftists who believe the government should control businesses.
- Margaret Sanger at Wikiquote
- “I accepted one branch of this philosophy, but eugenics without birth control seemed to me a house built upon sands… The eugenists wanted to shift the birth control emphasis from less children for the poor to more children for the rich. We went back of that and sought first to stop the multiplication of the unfit. This appeared the most important and greatest step towards race betterment.”
Planned Parenthood
- Lent Green Soy• (DVD)
- In 2015, overcrowding, pollution, and resource depletion have reduced society's leaders to finding food for the teeming masses. This task becomes even more difficult during times of religious fasting. The answer is Lent Green Soy, a protein-packed alternative to expensive, climate-warming foods.
- Planned Parenthood Busted On Tape Trying To Sell Aborted Baby Body Parts: Sean Davis at The Federalist
- “Dr. Deborah Nucatola, Planned Parenthood’s senior director for medical services, is caught on video bragging about how she aborts babies in such a way that their body parts and organs can later be sold for profit.” (Memeorandum thread)
- Planned Parenthood Reacts: We’re Not Selling Baby Parts — We’re Getting Reimbursed for ‘Tissue’ Donations: David French at National Review Online
- “We should have known this was all about Planned Parenthood’s ‘lifesaving’ altruism… Watch the tape again. Does it appear to you that the discussion deals only with reimbursement?” (Memeorandum thread)
- Planned Parenthood’s PR Firm: Harvesting Organs of Aborted Babies a ‘Humanitarian Undertaking’: John McCormack at The Weekly Standard
- “In background documents sent to reporters on Tuesday, Planned Parenthood's public relations firm calls the organization's harvesting of human organs a ‘humanitarian undertaking.’” (Memeorandum thread)
More abortion
- My Car My Abortion
- “Let me drink and drive.”
- The universality of life in stories
- Evil doesn’t win by being evil. It wins by convincing us that it is virtuous. Pregnant women know, instinctively, that they are carrying a child. But we have allowed ourselves to be convinced as a society that they are wrong.
- Kirk Watson emerges from cave after 200 years of isolation
- Former Austin mayor confused, faint because of new laws that presume adults are children.
- San Diego Pro-Choice and the Meaning of Life
- San Diego pro-abortion activists such as Canvas for a Cause and San Diego’s Radical Feminists of Occupy San Diego are protesting a San Diego Catholic organization that, in their words, “exists to prevent women from getting abortions”.
Minnesota Representative: Stop White Hate: In the wake of anti-white violence by a Muslim shooter in Denver, Representative Ilhan Omar begins campaign to “stand together to stop white hate.” (read more…)