The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 13, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

President Obama switches parties

President Obama, angered over the Democratic Senate’s inability to pass basic legislation, says he will become a Republican.

President Obama signs H.R. 3765

An uncomfortable President Obama signs the Democrat’s two-month payroll tax cut. “It was this act of incompetence by the Democrats that convinced me to look for an alternative party.”

President Obama is heading into his re-election campaign with plans to step up his offensive against an unpopular Congress, concluding that he cannot pass any major legislation in 2012 because of Democratic inability to pass basic legislation.

According to the White House, the Democratic Senate of Harry Reid (D-NV) hasn’t even passed a budget in nearly three years, “including when they controlled both the Senate and the House,” said the President. The Republican House has passed a budget, “but Reid won’t discuss it.” The Senate hasn’t passed a recovery plan since the disastrous trillion-dollar crony bailout in 2009, but the Republican House has passed several. “But Reid won’t discuss them.”

President Obama says that he has “decided to switch to the party that can get things done, the party that cares about fixing the economy, the party that can pass basic budget legislation. I’ve decided to switch to the Republican Party.”

Mr. Obama’s election-year strategy is an attempt to capitalize on his recent defeat on a long-term extension of the payroll tax cut. The President wanted a one-year extension of the tax cut, as did House Republicans. But the Democrats in the Senate chose instead to pass a two-month extension and refused to discuss the President’s ideas for a one-year extension. The Republican House, on the other hand, passed a one-year extension of the tax relief program.

Deputy Press Secretary Joshua R. Earnest said, “Winning a full-year extension of the cut in payroll taxes is the last ‘must-do’ piece of legislation for the White House. Since the Republicans are willing to pass that legislation and the Democrats are not, the President has chosen to become a Republican.”

“I’m through seeking compromises with the Democrats in the Senate,” said the President.

This is why the President delayed his request for an additional 1.2 trillion dollars. “Spending like a drunken sailor is something Democrats do,” said the President. I need time to look at this request and see if I can’t work within the budget we have, instead of taking money from the next generation.”

White House insiders also say that the President is looking to North Korea’s recently-mourned leader as an example of effective governing. “We will focus almost exclusively on executive action rather than working through the legislative process.”

Washington pollsters are unsure how the President’s announcement will affect the already contentious Republican primaries, but expect the President to draw support from frontrunner Mitt Romney, as they share several policy positions.

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