The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Seattle Democrats school Floridians

Florida Republican fears play out in King County, Washington.

On a third count of Washington state ballots, vote totals finally tilted in favor of Democrat Christine Gregoire. Two previous counts had placed Republican Dino Rossi in the lead.

In the most recent count, heavily Democratic King County has taken a central role in providing the best vote total. As Rossi began to pull ahead, King County democrats redoubled efforts to bring out the Democratic faithful, three times providing extra ballots and providing validation of voter signatures.

Still, it was close. Gregoire’s final lead is eight votes over Rossi.

“Eight votes is eight votes,” said Democratic Chairman Paul Berendt. “And we can guarantee that no more ballots will be found. We’re confident Christine Gregoire has finally been elected the governor of the state of Washington. I believe Dino Rossi should concede.”

According to King County insiders, machines vote Republican, but hands vote Democrat.

Privately, out-of-state Republicans saw a silver lining to the spectacle. “No one can possibly call into question our fear of a sleight-of-hand recount in Florida after watching this three-act show,” said Florida governor Jeb Bush.

When asked for a response to these concerns, Berendt’s office said “paranoid, paranoid, your mama’s got a hemorrhoid,” and characterized Republicans as tinfoil-hat-wearing conspiracy theorists. “Florida, schmlorida,” said Berendt. “This is how you give the election to the correct candidate. You guys gave up way too soon. Democrats always win when Democrats hold the canvassing boards.”

Florida election board members promised to try harder next election.

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