The Walkerville Weekly Reader

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Walkerville, VA
Monday, May 20, 2024
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Bush loses conspiracy theorist vote

Internet speculation about September 11 may cost Bush crucial votes among conspiracy-minded voters.

Conspiracy theorists who believe that then-President Clinton ordered the shoot-down of the “Payne Stewart” Learjet over South Dakota have recently focused their attention on President George Bush, raising fears about Bush’s chances in 2004.

Fueled by a new film by controversial director Michael Moore, concern has been raised that George Bush might have actually done something during the World Trade Center attacks: order the shooting of Flight 93.

“There were no heroes on Flight 93,” wrote one Internet theorist. “The story you’ve been told is wrong. It was made up to give appointed President Bush a handy war slogan, Let’s roll.’”

Director Moore agreed. “There were no black men on Flight 93,” said Moore. “Without big, strong, football-player black dudes, there is no way Flight 93 was brought down by the passengers. Is it clear now that the Pennsylvania flight was shot down?”

Moore’s movie, which highlights links between George Bush and the bin Laden family, is fueling even further speculation, that perhaps George Bush is secretly supporting bin Laden’s terrorist campaign.

“This is just like Pearl Harbor,” said another theorist who preferred not to be named. “Roosevelt allowed Japan’s Pearl Harbor attack to go forward in order to justify a war with Germany. George Bush allowed the Trade Center attacks to go forward in order to justify a war with Iraq.”

“If we wanted to get bin Laden, we could,” added Moore. “He’s on dialysis in a hospital in Birmingham.”

Moore and other on-line critics also criticized Bush for being “chummy” with Arabs following September 11. “Fifteen of the 19 attackers were from Saudi Arabia,” said Moore. “Why haven’t we bombed Saudi Arabia into the stone age? For that matter, all of the attackers were Arabs. We should be wiping out the middle east and you’re sitting around trying to negotiate cheaper gas for Mr. and Mrs. Suburban Driver. What’s the deal, Mr. President?”

In a leaked memo, White House staffers voiced concern that Bush might lose the crucial conspiracy-theorist vote.

The White House has acknowledged that Democrats courting the conspiracy theory vote may affect the outcome of November’s elections. “Moore’s movie is playing well in the grassy knolls,” said a White House memo intercepted from an Enquirer trash can. “We don’t know what effect this will have on the conspiracy-oriented swing voter.”

The memo went further to suggest that Democrats might be in collusion with major media sources and filmmakers to “steal this critical constituency from [the Republicans].”

  1. <- Strip School
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