The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, May 20, 2024
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Danes riot over Marvel Comics

Incensed over Marvel Comics’s depiction of Norse deity “Thor”, Danes call for Stan Lee’s death and apology from United States.

Danish rioters burned the Madison Avenue offices of Marvel Enterprises yesterday. The rioters are incensed over Marvel’s comic-book depictions of their ancient god Thor as a “yellow-haired pansy”.

The rioters rejected an apology by U.S. President George Bush, arguing that Mr. Bush was not the true power behind the U.S. presidency. “We want an apology from Stan Lee,” said one rioter, “and the entire Marvel Bullpen. Thor would accept no less than the full capitulation of John Buscema and the lamentation of Marie Severin.”

The rioters were especially critical of Severin’s Sore parody cover on Not Brand Ecch #3. That comic book cover featured the thunder god wearing a chicken on his head.

Wiccan priests around the world called for Marvel spokesperson and Thor comic co-creator Lee’s head on a platter. “We feel he should at least be required to undergo sensitivity training,” said one outraged Dane.

Michael Feldmantlo of the New York Times Marching Society decried the violence, and urged Marvel to cancel all appearances of the mighty Thor in their comics. The Times columnist also suggested that they execute Captain America for crimes against humanity. “There is no way that Thor would take orders from a guy with wings on his head,” said Feldmantlo.

Marvel Enterprises assured the Reader that they will be canceling their Thor comic series. “Canceling Thor is one of our favorite pastimes here in the House of Ideas,” said Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada.

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