The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, May 20, 2024
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Democrats Channel Ronald Reagan

“We are not worthy,” cry reporters as spirit of 40th president helps Gore fix percentages.

Faced with a nationwide poll showing that 60% of voters thought the vice president should concede the national election, Democratic Congressman Edward Markey rolled his eyes back in his head and announced in a California drawl that “99.9% of Democrats oppose a Gore concession”. A hushed and reverent Gore and Lieberman announced that Markey often channeled the 40th U.S. president. Reporters asked if this new number contradicted the recent poll’s finding that approximately 25% of Democrats think that Gore should concede.

“This is Reagan Mathematics,” said Gore, “which supercede reality-based data. The poll you mention has a margin of error of about 4%. 25%, give or take about 4%, means that most Democrats oppose concession, therefore 99.9% of Democrats oppose concession.”

While the vice president explained the complex mathematics, Joe Lieberman offered Markey a jellybean, and thanked the ex-President for helping their numbers. News reporters bowed and asked no further questions.

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