Pennsylvania AG says crime is racist
Pennsylvania Attorney General vows to stop investigating and prosecuting crimes. “We know most blacks commit crimes, so it’s racist to target criminals for prosecution.”
Attorney General Kathleen Kane tells reporter, “We will happily sue your ass off.”
The Pennsylvania Attorney General’s office has announced an innovative new law enforcement program designed to ensure equal opportunity access to the criminal justice system.
According to Pennsylvania Attorney General Kathleen Kane, “it’s racist to investigate crimes committed by blacks, because all blacks are criminals.”
Kane said that a similar problem existed among Democrats. “In fact,” she reported, “that’s how this problem came to our attention. My predecessor launched a corruption investigation targeting all politicians in Philadelphia. But even though the sting targeted both Democrats and Republicans, only Democrats were interested in learning more about the opportunity for corruption.”
Kane charged that “investigating corruption when you know some of the politicians are Democrats is entrapment.” She noted that “Many Democrats, even those that have not yet become corrupt, recognize this. They simply can’t resist that sweet, sweet cash!”
Kane added that the injustice is compounded when the Democrat is also black. “Blacks,” said Kane, “are genetically incapable of resisting corruption. That’s what makes them great politicians.”
Investigating crime and political corruption, according to Kane, is inherently racist. “Worse,” she said, “it’s a right-wing bias.”
Kane announced a new EOCJ initiative to end racism in law enforcement. Under the Equal Opportunity Criminal Justice program, law enforcement will pair each criminal with a random citizen. That citizen will be arrested, charged, and incarcerated for their pair’s crimes. “This ensures that our pool of criminals will match our demographic and political makeup,” said Kane, “despite the inherent shortcomings of Democrats and minorities.”
Asked how the program would work if news organizations reported the true names of the criminals rather than the randomly selected pair, Kane said “because I’ll sue the ass off of any reporter who breaks the law and reports the truth.”
The Reader believes that such lawsuits are unlikely.
- Democrat Attorney General Shuts Down Corruption Investigation After Catching Democrats Accepting Cash Bribes, Because Ra: Ed Krayewski at Reason Magazine
- “According to The Inquirer, prosecutors collected hundreds of hours of audio and video tape of the Democrats accepting bribes in the stings that the attorney general’s office ran. Sources close to the investigation also insist that the sting targeted both Democrats and Republicans, but that only Democrats were interested in learning more about the opportunity for corruption.” (Hat tip to Glenn Reynolds at Instapundit)
- Kane hires Sprague for possible defamation suits: Thomas Fitzgerald and Craig R. McCoy
- "I intend to look at the investigation from the very beginning to the conclusion of it, and in terms of what has been published, by this paper and others, to take appropriate action on behalf of the attorney general against those responsible for the defamatory and the false publications that have been made," Sprague said. (Hat tip to Ace at Ace of Spades HQ)
- Kane shut down sting that snared Phila. officials: Angela Couloumbis and Craig R. McCoy
- “Before Kane ended the investigation, sources familiar with the inquiry said, prosecutors amassed 400 hours of audio and videotape that documented at least four city Democrats taking payments in cash or money orders, and in one case a $2,000 Tiffany bracelet.” (Memeorandum thread) (Hat tip to Ed Krayewski at Reason Magazine)
- Pennsylvania Attorney General Kane lawyers up: Gabriel Malor at Hot Air
- “The decision of Pennsylvania Attorney General Kathleen Kane to drop the investigation and potential prosecution of Philadelphia Democrats who were recorded accepting cash, money orders, or jewelry certainly seems suspicious.” (Hat tip to Glenn Reynolds at Instapundit)
More corruption
- A tale of two negotiators
- If you want to see how Republicans in Congress fail to pass successful reforms, compare the House Obamacare “repeal” with the White House’s budget.
- Government oxymoron: anti-corruption laws
- We can’t pass laws to reduce corruption. To reduce corruption we must reduce laws.
- Stop the rot—with sunlight and sunset
- If reform conservatism needs an anticorruption agenda, what structural changes should be on that agenda?
- Essential revolution: fight corruption
- The only sure means of fighting corruption is to take away the powers that invite it.
- Throw Them All Out
- IPO nowadays stands for Invest in Politicians Often. Investing in politicians brings huge returns.
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