The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, May 20, 2024
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

United States Waives Human Rights

“You don’t hold up the drug war just because a couple of nuns were killed,” says Office of National Drug Control.

President Clinton waived human rights conditions attached to a 1.3 billion dollar Columbian military aid package, because enforcing human rights conditions would hold up the drug war.

Dismissing claims by fellow Democrat Paul Wellstone that the President’s support of human rights is “mere rhetoric,” the President said that he was the greatest supporter of human rights in Washington. “Nobody else thinks they’re worth a damn either,” said the President, “including Mr. Wellstone.” The president said that as long as people in the United States continue to use cocaine, the Columbian military will kill innocent people, and there’s nothing that Columbia can do about it.”

The Office of National Drug Policy was even more emphatic about United States priorities. “The drug war overrules basic rights within the United States,” said Brad Hittle, “and we feel our allies should be held to the same high standard. You don’t hold up the drug war just because a couple of nuns were killed.”

As one of his last actions before leaving the Presidency, Clinton announced that he was going to retroactively pardon all convicted Nazi officials. “There may have been a few problems with human rights in wartime Germany,” said the President, “but they had no drug problem.” Clinton recommended that Bush convene a task force to determine which Nazi policies would best be implemented in the United States drug war. The president-elect declined, stating that “we’ve already implemented most of them anyway.”

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