The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Massachusetts sets sail to a grand future

Legislature votes to take voting rights from felons. Governor calls it a ‘first step’ towards putting more dangerous non-violent criminals in jail.

The Massachusetts legislature voted to strip felons of the right to vote on Wednesday. Massachusetts is one of three states that currently allows jailed felons to continue to vote. While the measure passed with a 144-45 majority, there was some acrimonious debate.

State Senator Cynthie Stone Creem feels that the measure is pointless. “Fear of prisoners using electoral clout to forward an evil agenda is ridiculous,” said Creem, “the majority of Massachusetts citizens are law-abiding, and will always vastly outnumber criminals.”

House Minority Leader Francis L. Marini disagreed. “The people of Massachusetts are all criminals at heart,” said Marini. “They’re a dangerous, violent group and they should all be locked away. But we’ll never be able to do that if they can vote.”

“This is part of a long-term plan to clean up Massachusetts,” said Governor Paul Celucci. “We’ve already put a lot of pot smokers in jail and we’re preparing to put gun owners in jail. This isn’t about murderers and rapists. Compared to the general population, violent criminals are a tiny minority. But the percentage of pot smokers is rising precipitously, and with over half of American homes containing a firearm, the potential exists for a significant number of felons from our gun bans.”

“These people have committed crimes against society,” said Marini. “Over two thirds of them are blacks and spics. How can we begin our new, purer America if these malcontents can vote against us?”

The measure now heads to the ballot in November, where it must be approved by a majority of Massachusetts voters. “While it is true that many of these voters are the same voters we plan to put in jail in the future,” said Marini, “people are basically stupid. I don’t foresee any problem getting this measure passed.”

Governor Celucci said that the next step is to remove the right to vote from families of jailed felons. “Families are too easily influenced by the incarceration of their parents and children,” said Celucci. “They aren’t trustworthy enough to be voters.”

  1. <- McWilliams Dead
  2. Voter Privacy ->