The Walkerville Weekly Reader

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Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Reporters confused over attention to issues, character

Voters are paying undue attention to honesty, and ignoring vital issues of hairstyle and teeth brightness, say analysts, and it’s costing Gore points.

Reporters and analysts are finding it more difficult to perform their jobs as voters begin paying attention to irrelevant issues over more important issues, according to Washington insiders.

“This has reporters confused,” said an anonymous Senate staffer. “Reporters are basically stupid, and they are at a loss what to do when faced with the need for research.”

Marcia Kramer, chief political correspondent for WCBS-TV in New York, agreed. “Reporters should not be expected to do research. We should not be expected to know anything.” Kramer was embarassed last week when she asked Senate nominees Rick Lazio and Hilary Clinton about a Senate bill--bill 602P--that doesn’t exist. Democratic representative Anthony Weiner said “this is not something a reporter should know. Reporters have very little room in their brains for minor issues such as whether their questions are relevant. This is all the voters’ fault for bringing it up. We’re having a real problem with voters, and we’re thinking about outlawing them.” Kramer’s staff thanked Weiner for his support, and added, “this is all the Internet’s fault.”

Political analyst Thomas Mann of the Brookings Institution also voiced confusion over voter reactions to Vice President Gore’s lying during the second presidential debate with Republican nominee George Bush. “It’s very puzzling,” said Mann. “Gore had better hair, better teeth, and he’s taller, but the one story that played was the ‘embellishment’ story, and it cost Gore a few points in the polls.”

Asked if he thought it might have something to do with the Internet, Mann agreed. “The Internet brings voters together, and whenever you get more than one voter in the same place, they end up focussing on irrelevant issues. It used to be, voters got their opinions from newspapers and television. Now there’s this Internet thing, and voters aren’t getting the right opinions any more.”

When asked for comments, a spokesperson at Bush campaign headquarters stated, “This is typical spin from the Democrat camp. We believe Bush clearly won on the vital issues of hair and teeth.”

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