The Walkerville Weekly Reader

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Walkerville, VA
Monday, September 18, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Stewardess foils Taliban hijacking

Arming women unfair, say al Qaeda hijackers in wake of FAA decision allowing firearms on-board airlines

A female flight attendant foiled an al Qaeda-sponsored hijacking over Washington, DC, yesterday. When the Afghani terrorist aboard United American Flight 34539 threatened fellow flight attendant Anne Bonney with an obsidian knife, Mary Reed fired her 22 Magnum at the terrorist. The shot wounded the terrorist, allowing Bonney to escape. Three other women then jumped the terrorist and subdued him.

According to an FAA source, the terrorist may have chosen the nearly all-female flight because of the Taliban’s hatred of that gender. “They probably thought that this flight would be a pushover,” said the source. “They didn’t realize these were American women.” Most of the women were members of a second amendment rights organization en route to a demonstration against the ailing Million Mom March anti-gun group.

The successful self-defense was made possible when the FAA bowed to public pressure last week and allowed pilots and flight attendants, with the proper training, to carry firearms aboard airlines.

“We were not aware of the depths of America’s depravity,” responded Usama bin Laden in a smuggled video. “Women should never even show their faces, let alone carry firearms. We are superior because we will never arm our women.”

A Million Mom March spokesperson agreed, saying “she could have poked someone’s eye out with that thing.”

The target of the hijacking is currently unknown.

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