Woman rushes politician, meets Buddha
One lucky woman attempted twice to rush a politician in a Palookaville campaign stop last night and won enlightenment.
Bystanders held a woman to the ground after she attempted to shove a sign at a politician in a Palookaville campaign stop yesterday.
“She rushed the candidate several times,” said one bystander. “We thought she was dangerous.”
Colleagues of the woman, a Miss Emily Litella who by sheer coincidence is an activist known for provocative incidents, criticized the crowd’s reaction.
“Holding her down like that was completely unnecessary,” complained one activist.
Another of Miss Litella’s colleagues agreed. “Seriously, why hold her down? The Secret Service had already shot her three times.”
It turned out that the politician was not an obscure Senate candidate, but rather the President, who was also in town to campaign for the upcoming elections.
Miss Litella could not be reached; our technicians believe that six feet of dirt and stone are interfering with cell signal strength. Friends were quoted as saying “Never Mind. She’s with Aqua Buddha now.”
- New Video Exposes The False Narrative of the "Stomping" Victim
- “In an amazing videotape obtained by Redstate, Valle is shown rushing Rand Paul’s car and shoving something into the window before it had come to a stop and again charging him as he exited the vehicle—clearly provocative and threatening actions which should have alerted bystanders that she posed a danger.”
- Exclusive Video: Lauren Valle Before The Head Stomp Vid
- “Toward the end of the video, you see several Paul supporters asking a police officer to come intervene. It was Paul supporters who told Profitt to back off. It was Paul supporters who brought the police. Contrary to the growing narrative on the left, this video clearly shows that Valle was not the victim of a conspiracy to ‘take her out.’”
- The Gulf of Paducah Incident
- “Unfortunately, people being pushed to the ground while approaching a candidate is not new. Just ask John McCormack who was thrown to the ground by a Martha Coakley campaign staffer last January when McCormack would not stop asking questions.”
- Stomping suspect says his actions were misunderstood; now faces charges
- “We thought she was a danger; we didn’t know what she was doing.”
- This Will Work As Well As Aqua Buddha
- “As I suspected, provocateur was not so innocent. In an amazing videotape obtained by Redstate, she is shown rushing Paul’s car and shoving something into the window before it had come to a stop and again charging him as he exited the vehicle—a clearly provocative action which should have alerted bystanders that she posed a danger. This completely debunks the foaming at the mouth narrative that this was anything other than a deliberate provocation.”
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