The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, May 20, 2024
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Woman rushes politician, meets Buddha

One lucky woman attempted twice to rush a politician in a Palookaville campaign stop last night and won enlightenment.

Bystanders held a woman to the ground after she attempted to shove a sign at a politician in a Palookaville campaign stop yesterday.

“She rushed the candidate several times,” said one bystander. “We thought she was dangerous.”

Colleagues of the woman, a Miss Emily Litella who by sheer coincidence is an activist known for provocative incidents, criticized the crowd’s reaction.

“Holding her down like that was completely unnecessary,” complained one activist.

Another of Miss Litella’s colleagues agreed. “Seriously, why hold her down? The Secret Service had already shot her three times.”

It turned out that the politician was not an obscure Senate candidate, but rather the President, who was also in town to campaign for the upcoming elections.

Miss Litella could not be reached; our technicians believe that six feet of dirt and stone are interfering with cell signal strength. Friends were quoted as saying “Never Mind. She’s with Aqua Buddha now.”

  1. <- Palin Unpromptu
  2. Republican tears ->