The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, February 20, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Clinton calls for institutionalizing, curing, Trump supporters

After Republican Donald Trump calls for a special prosecutor to investigate Clinton’s email server, Hillary Clinton calls for beating Trump supporters. Journalists immediately investigate voter who asked question about health care.

Trump supporter in San Jose, beaten

Authorities are unsure if the blood on this victim of pro-Clinton violence came from the victim, or from one of the candidate’s coughing attacks.

Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today diagnosed Trump supporters as exhibiting “irredeemably psychopathological mechanisms of dissent”, and called for their psychiatric incarceration today, after the Republican candidate threatened to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the former Secretary of State if elected.

After talking to a psychiatrist who I will not name, I have been informed that Donald Trump supporters are emotionally unstable with a tendency to engage in fantasizing. They also exhibit an unusual stubbornness and temper when they do not get their way. I have been told by another unnamed expert, in political psychology, that political supporters require psychiatric incarceration, in the best interests of justice.”

The candidate suggested that anyone who opposes her nomination requires psychiatric examination, and urged the press to perform its civic duty.

Several news outlets immediately began investigating the background of a voter who asked a question about health care at the recent Presidential debate.

The candidate also suggested immediate intervention by caring bystanders when professional help is unavailable. For example, after an African-American protester accused her of aiding and abetting her husband’s often vigorous amorous exploits, she said, “You know, I do hope somebody follows that gentleman and stages an intervention.”

“It takes a village to raise a noose,” Clinton added.

According to news reports, Clinton supporters have staged interventions with Trump supporters around the country. Often wearing coffee or nut-colored shirts, these sturmabuelas have convinced many Trump supporters to seek medical attention.

  1. <- Clinton endorses Trump!
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