The Walkerville Weekly Reader

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Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 20, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

Orion spacecraft makes successful test flight

Feminists complain it wasn’t wearing sensible shoes.

Orion test flight

“A rocket of this shape isn’t appropriate if you care about women in STEM.”—Astrophysicist Katie Mack.

Orion, an unmanned spacecraft designed to land astronauts on an asteroid—and later on Mars—completed its first successful test flight today. The unmanned capsule splashed down in the Pacific Ocean, ending its first test flight.

NASA engineers were delighted with the successful flight. “We were forced to scrub an earlier launch on Thursday after a trio of problems,” said NASA engineer Chris Knight.

The Atlantic’s Rose Eveleth tweeted,

No no women are tooooootally welcome in our community, just look at all this talk about scrubbing. Bet that’s the woman’s job, right, boys?

A NASA spokesperson called the splashdown a “bull’s eye” landing, further earning the ire of Eveleth and other feminists. “It’s bad enough that rockets are shaped… the way they’re shaped,” said Violet Swooner of Trigger Warnings Newsletter, “but to compare them to violent bulls just erects further barriers to women entering STEM professions.”

NASA further incurred the wrath of the feminist community when it described Orion’s mothership as a “Delta IV Heavy rocket”.

“Curved spaceships are more efficient,” said Swooner, “and should not be subject to sizeist labelings.”

The Atlantic’s Eveleth added in a later tweet,

Orion crossed the Pacific and didn’t shop? No wonder women don’t get into space sciences. Just ask the spaceship without sensible shoes.

NASA and Knight apologized to the feminist community for not outfitting Orion with appropriate footwear for its special event. Knight promised a moratorium on all space flights until they solve the wardrobe malfunction issue.

The engineer ended the interview by apologizing again, and asking reporter Susan Decker, “if there’s anything I can do for you—or, more to the point, to you—just let me know.”

  1. <- Democrats deny Gruber
  2. Weather-rape epidemic ->