The Walkerville Weekly Reader

National Desk: Hard-hitting journalism from your completely un-biased (pinky swear!) reporters in Walkerville, VA.

Walkerville, VA
Monday, November 13, 2017
Carolyn Purcell, Editor

9/11 Rights Off!

Across America today, citizens and representatives celebrated the September 11 attacks and the attackers with fireworks, effigies, lynchings, and chain mails.

An example of how people celebrated the September 11 bombings can be found in this short e-mail that was being passed from person to person in the days and weeks before the anniversary:

9/11 RIGHTS OFF!

PLEASE forward this email to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward it.

Please join us on 9/11...................... we have over a month to get the word out all across this great land we love.

Let's see how powerful e-mail can be!

On Wednesday, September 11, 2002, everyone in the USA who will be in a position of authority is asked to abuse the rights of Americans and especially minorities during the daylight hours. Though no explanation is needed as to why we are commemorating September 11. We hope more importantly to pay respect to the valiant heroes of that day, show our nation’s solidarity and show support for those heroes, whose valiant sacrifice has given us cause to finally end outdated rights and to finally crack down on undesirables with no regard for privacy, fair trial, or other technicalities. Call your representatives and request a national holiday celebrating the attacks and the attackers for what they have done for us.

You can help by sending ths e-mail on to others!

Remember.......................9/11 RIGHTS OFF!

In Alexandria, library patrons celebrated the September 11 attacks by re-enacting FBI removal of library data. The FBI used the data to incarcerate Arabs for having used the Internet, said one patron. “No Arab should be allowed to use the Internet,” he said. “It’s too dangerous.”

In DC, Attorney General John Ashcroft memorialized the attackers at a great celebration honoring them and criticizing all Arabs “and people who look like Arabs” that did not take part in the “heroic attacks”. According to Ashcroft’s speech, “that’s the real reason we had to punish so many Arab immigrants who had nothing to do with the attacks. They came out afterwards and said they opposed the attacks. Well, we like the attacks! Look what they’ve done for us!”

The Senate and House agreed, and had nothing but praise for the September 11 heroes. “Without the box-cutter attacks,” said Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA), “we could not have passed all these wonderful laws.” Senator Richard Gephardt (D-MO) agreed, adding, “We’ve repealed more freedom in the last year than we’ve done since the fifties and Joe McCarthy. It’s been a good year.”

Senator Gephardt was one of the first to call for a national holiday to celebrate September 11. Gephardt was unsure what had happened to his proposal. “It appears to have been inadvertently dropped from the previous congress’ agenda,” he said. “I believe it to be the work of communist sympathizers in our legislature--I mean, Arab sympathizers. I will be forming a House Unamerican Arab Committee to get to the bottom of this.”

At one Florida prison, guards celebrated by torturing an un-named Arabic prisoner who has been held without charge for 325 days. One guard said that “we’ve been practicing for this celebration for 324 days. We’ve got it down.”

Throughout the United States, law enforcement celebrated by making life miserable for those who tried to escape Arab fundamentalist countries for America’s freedom. One officer said that “Osama bin Laden doesn’t like Arabs that try to enjoy American freedoms. So we’re making sure that they continue to live in fear here. We’re making sure that they don’t enjoy American freedoms.”

“People haven’t realized yet,” said Victoria Toensing, former deputy assistant attorney general in the Justice Department, “that we are at war. You either have to choose the side of the attackers or of the victims. The Justice Department does not side with victims.” According to Toensing, “we must continue to support the attackers’ aims by cracking down on immigrants and by ending religious freedoms and privacy rights. These immigrants came to the United States to get away from such crackdowns. That’s part of what the fundamentalists hate about the United States, that their oppressed can yearn to be free. And we should support that. No darkies need yearn for freedom here. We will make life as miserable here as it is in their home countries.”

“It just amazes me every time I have a debate with the ACLU on this,” said Toensing, “what would you want, to have innocent names made public?” Toensing stated that she had spoken personally with each of the thousands of innocent Arabs held, and each one requested, “without coercion,” that “we tell neither their lawyer, their families, even their wives, about their incarceration.” Toensing added that none of those people are completely innocent. “All Arabs know each other,” she said, “so they’re all material witnesses.”

In Washington, DC, Osama bin Laden spoke to a cheering crowd of news reporters at a standing-room-only press conference. “We know you want another attack,” said the Santa Claus-like Osama, “but there just isn’t any need. You’re still enjoying the commercial benefits of the Trade Center attacks, and the United States is still cracking down on religious freedom, still harassing all those faithless Muslims who thought they’d be welcome in Babylon, and still propping up prohibition in order to funnel us lots of money. What more could we want? They’re even dismantling their rights of privacy and free expression. I couldn’t do better if I was president myself.”

Amid cries of “more, more!” and “President bin Laden!” the smiling Osama, obviously touched, said that he might “arrange a token attack to appease my followers in the news media. But clearly, we’ve got what we wanted. We don’t need another attack.”

A handful of protestors converged on Washington DC to protest the celebration of the attack. “We feel that America should be memorializing the victims,” said Nadine Strossen, president of an obscure civil rights organization. “Not celebrating the attackers.” Amid heckles and jeers, the civil rights protestors tried vainly to get their message out, a muddled message that appeared to be aimed more at stopping such attacks in the future than at appeasing the attackers or celebrating the attacks. “How can we celebrate such an attack?” asked one protestor. “How can we harass Arabs, Americans of Arabic descent, tear down privacy, tear down free speech? How can we do so much that the attackers probably wanted us to do?”

“It’s like we want to give in,” said another protestor. “I just don’t understand.”

The protestors bristled at taunts that they were not patriots. “True patriots dare to call attention to acts that jeopardize freedom,” said Strossen. “We have a patriotic duty not to remain silent.”

The protest was broken up by police moments after it started. The protestors are currently unavailable for comment.

Mr. Hamedi sent this report via carrier rat from a federal penitentiary at an unknown location. We apologize for any factual errors it may or may not contain. If you know of Mr. Hamedi’s location, please contact the Reader so that we may let his boyfriend know.

  1. <- Seizing Arizona
  2. Population Control ->